I’m pleased to be joined by Alison Brodie today with a great guest post which has made me laugh out loud! I do hope you enjoy it too. Alison’s latest novel, Zenka, will be published in early November and I will be reading and reviewing sometime around then. It is available to pre-order now.
How books can get you divorced.
Like you, I love books. I collect them. I stockpile them. What is wrong with that, huh? Nothing. But Hubby doesn’t agree. He’s “sick” of having to wend his way through teetering towers of paperbacks to get from one side of the room to the other.
You see, I’m like cat woman (I don’t mean the Cat Woman) I mean the elderly neighbour who takes in abandoned cats when nobody wants them.
I’m like that with books. People who don’t want their books bring them to me. And I can’t say no. What an eclectic mix! I’ve read some fascinating stories which I would never have discovered otherwise. For instance, this one by Auberon Waugh (Haven’t heard of him? Neither had I.) The back bit was mouldy, so I had to tear it off. (This is always a risk with strays – you never know where they’ve been). I’m into the book and it’s really funny – but now I won’t know the ending!
My books are breeding like rabbits. And I’m having to hide them from Hubby. I stack them behind curtains, in the bottom of my shoe cupboard and under the bed.
What doesn’t help is, I go to this HUGE charity place called Emmaus (I’m in France) and all the expats who are going back to live in the UK dump their books there – thousands of them. Since the French folk are only interested in furniture and not English books, I have the cubicle all to myself. It’s just me! The added bonus is, the books are only 50 centimes each (enough to buy a … a … stick of gum). I’m there every Saturday and I come away with bags and bags.
Last Saturday, my Hubby finally went berserk (his voice went up an octave) so I promised that when I read the books I would take them back to Emmaus.
Well, it’s not easy donating to Emmaus – it’s such a rigmarole of parking, queueing, then handing your stuff over to the right person. So instead of depositing my books in the usual manner, I sidled into the book cubicle and secretly put them back on the shelves. (Imagine yourself going into your high street bookshop, buying up twenty books, going home, reading them and then tiptoeing back into the shop to put them back on the shelves without anyone noticing).
I have to go. Hubby has found a cache of books behind the boiler and he doesn’t sound too happy.
Right, I’ve just got back from “having a word”.
Hubby told me the books are not a joke. It’s intellectual clutter. It’s stultifying, suffocating. He said and I quote: “Alison, you are like an eccentric old man in slippers who hoards and doesn’t answer the door and then Social Services breaks in to find him shuffling through a flat filled to the ceiling with piles of mangy old newspapers.”
Hubby’s description gave me a cold chill. Is that how he thinks of me? Is that how I’m going to end up? But I don’t want to become that man in slippers!
Does anybody want a book?
Ruthless, stubborn and loyal.
Zenka is a Hungarian pole-dancer with a dark past.
When cranky London mob boss, Jack Murray, saves her life she vows to become his guardian angel – whether he likes it or not. Happily, she now has easy access to pistols, knuckle-dusters and shotguns.
Jack learns he has a son, Nicholas, a community nurse with a heart of gold. Problem is, Nicholas is a wimp.
Zenka takes charge. Using her feminine wiles and gangland contacts, she aims to turn Nicholas into a son any self-respecting crime boss would be proud of. And she succeeds!
Nicholas transforms from pussycat to mad dog, falls in love with Zenka, and finds out where the bodies are buried – because he buries them. He’s learning fast that sometimes you have to kill, or be killed.
As his life becomes more terrifying, questions have to be asked:
How do you tell a crime boss you don’t want to be his son?
And is Zenka really who she says she is?
ZENKA. Pre-Order Links
About the author
Alison Brodie is a Scot, with French Huguenot ancestors on her mother’s side.
Alison Brodie is an international best-selling author. Her books having been published in hardback and paperback by Hodder & Stoughton (UK), Heyne (Germany) and Unieboek (Holland).
Alison has now gone “indie”. Here are some editorial reviews for her recent books:
BRAKE FAILURE: “Masterpiece of humor” –Midwest Book Review
THE DOUBLE: “Proof of her genius in writing fiction” -San Francisco Book Review.
ZENKA will be releasing on 6 Nov, 2017.
Find out more or contact Alison:
Facebook PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/AlisonBrodieAuthor/