On the eighth day of Christmas I give you a story from Kaisha Hollway who you may know better as the blogger behind The Writing Garnet blog. Kaisha’s enthusiasm for books and reading shines through every post and it’s not surprising that her blog has been nominated for and won several awards. Today she tries her hand at writing and has written a story which I’m sure will make you smile!
Wrapping paper – check.
Bows – check.
Tags – check.
Sellotape – double check.
Mentally praise self for remembering to buy sellotape – check.
Gift bags – check.
I thought I was doing exceptionally well then! I mean, I did remember to buy sellotape, that alone should be grounds for an award nomination. Of course I would need actual presents for the sellotape to become a useful investment. Nobody in their right mind would brave the busy, Edinburgh streets in November, purposely to buy Christmas presents for all 256433547585 (SLIGHT exaggeration) members of your family, only to come home with zilch presents. Nothing. Not even the yearly, on sale gift (anything less than 70% would be daylight robbery) which has no set recipient, yet always gets given out eventually as the ‘emergency gift’. Nada. Zilch. Absolutely sweet f’all. Well, except for everything pretty to wrap the imaginary gifts in – I nailed that! If only my sister was into Harry Potter – I could EASILY wrap up air and pretend it’s come from the not-so-hidden realm of ‘under the stairs’. She’s that gullible.
The sound of my mobile phone brings me back down to Earth. It’s 3pm on a Saturday afternoon and, whilst I know my best friend, Issy, is still at work in the local toy shop, part of me (no, A LOT of me) wishes that her name will be flashing on my phone right about now. But, just to make my mood even more festive, ahem, I peak at the screen with one eye open and see that it is indeed Mrs Claus herself. My mother. No, I’m not even joking. My surname is Claus. My mother is married to Stephen Claus, therefore she is indeed, Mrs Claus.
“Mother! What do I owe this pleasure on a Saturday afternoon? Finished visiting the elves already?”
My mother groans down the phone so loudly that if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she released gasses whilst inhaling helium.
“Holly, please don’t be so facetious. It’s November for goodness sake, I do not go and visit the ‘elves’ as you so eloquently put it, until December. Do keep up girl!”
Oh and I’M the one being facetious?
“Well they’re children, they’re the same size as elves though aren’t they?” I have nothing against children, obviously, I just think that they resemble elves in height. Plus, being 4ft 10 with a name like ‘Holly Claus’, I don’t fancy being an elf on my own this Christmas. Again.
“Oh darling, no! You’re the only elf that I know!”
(See, what did I tell you.) Mrs Claus continues to bend my ear;
“I was only calling you to see how you were getting on with your Christmas shopping. Ivy called me earlier to say she had bought everything on her list. Although I’m not really surprised! If you’re not sorted soon I don’t know WHAT you’ll do! There are only 51 days until Christmas day you know, Holly!”
“Er…er..that’s great mum. Erm, can I call you later? I’m just about to pay for ALL of my Christmas presents and I don’t like to be rude. BYE!!!”
I don’t even give my mum a chance to say goodbye as I just know she would question my shopping for two reasons:
1) She knows fine well that I wouldn’t have bought every single one of my Christmas presents in one day.
2) Refer to point one.
I’m not surprised that my sister, Ivy, has managed to buy all of her Christmas presents as she works most of December! Oh, and yes, my parents did do THAT if you hadn’t already noticed; twin daughters, a surname of ‘Claus’, let’s just name our children ‘Holly‘ and ‘Ivy’. They won’t get bullied, nooooo, not at all.
Unfortunately, we did. But, at least I can say that my name represents my personality to a T; prickly!
If Mrs Claus is in this mood already with 51 days left to go, I am dreading Christmas even more than I thought. Thank goodness for mince pies!
Thanks Kaisha, such a fun little story. I hope Holly does get all her presents sorted out in time! If you’d like to know more about Kaisha you’ll find her at the following places:
Twitter – @kaishajayneh
Facebook – www.facebook.com/thewritinggarnet